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Day of the #LittleWay

alec vanderboom

I'm so little, I missed the Day of the #LittleWay on Feb 4, 2014. Two Catholics from Image Books designed a Twitter campaign to share small stories of faith from Carmelite Saint, Therese of Lisieux. I promised I'd help do promotion on my blog but somehow misremembered the day as Feb 7.

This is so typical of being a Carmelite. I'd be even more embarrassed if I hadn't read the encouraging words from Bishop Patrick Ahern, author of "Three Gifts of Therese of Lisieux," who forgot to attend his own retirement party because he was so busy chatting with a friend in his apartment!

We are all little! We all make mistakes. We all fall sort of our goals. We all let people down that we love. St. Therese of Lisieux "gets us." She says "stop wearing a hair shirt and start embracing your own poverty as a Catholic." When we embrace the embarrassing flaws (mine is forgetfulness!) we are authentic. Our littleness invites God to come into our lives and love us.

I'm a Carmelite who studies St. Therese's autobiography, "Story of the Soul" with scholarly monks at the main American monastery in Washington DC. I opened my free copy of "Three Gifts of Therese of Lisieux" by Patrick Ahern with a bit of snobbery. "St. Therese is a friend," I thought. "I understand her best in her original words. What have I got to learn from this book?"

I was wrong! I became so absorbed into this book from the first page of the Introduction. In fact, I was 15 minutes late to photography shoot because I started reading this book at 5:45 AM and never looked back at my bedroom clock for over an hour. This book is that good! If you are already friends with the Little Flower, please buy this book. This book is written by a New York Bishop. He is so honest about his spiritual journey, I felt like I gained a new friend.

The Bishop also puts St. Therese's life in a context that makes her spirituality more accessible to others. One of the things that I thought about Therese was that she was raised in a "perfect family environment." Both her parents are recognized saints. I felt a little distant from that experience. The Bishop, who has alcoholism in his own family, talked about the severe trials Therese faced before her mother died at age 4. In my own words, the Bishop makes a persuasive cause that Therese suffered an attachment disorder from multiple maternal loses. ( In a basic summary, Therese was sickly and sent away from her mother for long periods of time as an infant. Then her mother died of breast cancer when she was 4. Then she loses two older sisters who were both maternal figures to the Carmel convent at key points in her adolescent development).

I was so moved by the chapter titled "The Wounded Psyche."  Suddenly this Saint, who seemed so removed from my own childhood with her own perfect Catholic family background, seemed very similar to me. St. Therese words "All is grace" and "Confidence Always" meant more to me. Her extreme trust in Jesus was hard won. She's trustworthy as a Doctor of the Church because her early childhood experiences where not a seamless attachment to an everlasting God the Father. In our modern society, so many of us are wounded emotionally. St. Therese gives us hope that where we start out spiritually as young adults is not where we need to end up. She is a friend who can help us all heal!

If you love, St. Therese of Lisieux, please buy this book. If you've ever wondered about "what all the hoopla is about", please buy this book too.

All is grace!

Poverty Equals Too Many Kids

alec vanderboom

http://www.nytimes.com/video/opinion/100000002662994/sarahs-uncertain-path.html

This video about rural poverty from the NY Times is so hard for me to watch. It's set in Missouri, but the same video could be shot two minutes from my house. These are the kids I went to High School with twenty years ago. These are the kids I see on the street in my town, but I don't know them. Their Moms don't come to the Library, or Church, or the Rec League, or the new Cupcake Shop. I don't have a chance to easily mingle and exchange smiles with these kids.

I see the chaos in Sarah's home and it hurts my heart. The piles of laundry on the sofa. Playing a broken piano in an old barn. Using a chair for a tire swing.

I hear the Mom of seven complain "I've got kids always on me." I get it and I don't get it. I live so close to this--we've got laundry, and new kittens, and lots of kids--but I don't have this life.

It's so hard to hear "My Mom has too many kids"--because its not the kids that are the problem. It's not even a strict income test of "poverty".

It's depression. It's isolation. It's hopelessness. It's neglect.

I so get how easy it is to be depressed when your a Mom. There are bills. There's post-partum depression. Who the heck can keep a marriage together without miraculous help from God? Marriage is hard on some days. There are all these kids with unique needs, and with each baby you're restarting the game as a total novice.

There's some overlap there. At the same time, Motherhood doesn't equal Depression. Poverty doesn't equal neglect.

It's hard to separate the two--because being poor, or low income, or bohemian, or whatever name you give it takes a lot of mental energy. It's easy to see how poverty can often exacerbate mental illness. There is an important fact here.

Yet it is so hard to listen to these liberal thinkers on NPR and writers for the New York Times who have this bias that child neglect is caused by some external factor. Limit the number of kids!

It's hard for me to see these videos and know that it's not just a money problem. It's isolation. There is a social shaming that is so strong, its ridiculous.

When we talk about "poverty" I believe we are talking about "isolation." If you had the same income, but you are a farmer, or an artist, or an entrepreneur, or a minister--your family situation feels different. There's not that sense of hopelessness in your house.

I see this stuff on the internet and my heart hurts. I know that being a young, single Mom in this situation is super, duper hard. At the same time, I look at some of the joy in this family and think, "I've visited Middle Class families where the emotional pain is even worse." There is hope for every family, but there are no guarantees.

I have a responsibility to live out my vocation well. After watching this video, I'm going to smile more when I shop at Aldi. I going to give more to Catholic Charities. I'm going to take an extra minute to hug my four year old when I do her hair this morning. I'll be doing it all while I'm praying for that Mom of a pregnant teenager who is missing her front teeth. God bless all of us Mothers, every one.


Learning French

alec vanderboom

My six year old is in love with Paris. This year we are learning French together. So fun! Here is a great link I found from the BBC-- interesting videos and fun French phrases. Anyone else have fun free language sites? I think I'd also like to learn some Japanese.

A New Love For Elementary Education

alec vanderboom

I'm a Jane Come Lately to the joy of elementary school teaching. By my nature, I'm a secondary school teacher. High School Government, Art, and AP English--easy. My husband could teach college Organic Chemistry while in a headstand. This is the stuff that we talk happily around the table at dinner. My daughter was the one who knew how many times a single strand of DNA could wrap around the world in second grade, but still didn't know how to read.

The way I approached elementary education at first was "we're just going to struggle with some of this reading/phonic stuff" at first--but it will pay off when we're having a blast together in future grades.

Part of being a fantastic teacher is knowing yourself. Even before I figure out how to crack the code of an individual kid's learning style, I needed to figure out MYSELF first. Because teaching is patience. I can't be patient and kind with my kid/student, until I've figured out how to feed my own soul first.

I'm a big picture girl. I couldn't get excited about teaching Elementary School until I put together WHY grades K-5 are so critical. So this is my wondering attempt to clarify my thoughts on the matter. Call it my manifesto.

I think every kid slips out of the womb with a unique set of traits, interests, and talents. Magic happens with your personality and interest collide with the needs of the world. Religious people call this "the work of the Holy Spirit." Secular people call this "Innovation"--such as Steve Jobs, the CEO of Starbucks, etc.

My goal as an educator isn't simply to get a student proficient. My soul is to get that kid on fire!

I'm a firm believer that every kid needs skills in math,reading, science and art! A social butterfly needs math and a nerdy math guru needs a gym class. However, not all kids are going to approach these common set of skills in the same way.

Elementary school is cool because it gets kids on fire! The goal is to get a kid by the fifth grade to be self-confident and self-aware. When a girl knows who she is, what skills she kills at- and what career goals to shoot for--she can set up a path to get an awesome job/college/life by age 18. My job as a teacher isn't just to get a kid with a perfect ACT score into a "great college."

I want my students to have a great life! I want them to be doing things often that they truly enjoy. I want them to have the social skills and the inner dedication to stick it through the pieces of the job that "suck now, but will pay off later."  In a tough economy, I want my students to be working!  That means finding the unique match up between their strengths and the worlds needs.

The old economy has crashed. It's not coming back. The model that I followed was "get great grades so that a great company will hire you!" I look around now and the landscaped has changed. My nine year old kid and I were talking during his Math Lesson today and sighing over the fact that NASA basically doesn't exist anymore. The whole time I was watching my techie son as a 1 to 5 year old, I kept saying "That's my NASA guy!" The kid is so into Math and Technology it's awesome. Now NASA doesn't exist! Who knows what kind of job my son is going to get at 18 or 22?

So I can say from the outside "Okay, Alex. Focus in on that Science and Math. Get good grades. Go to MIT. Intern in the Summers at NASA." There is NO FIRM RECIPE for success in the new economy. Maybe my son will got to MIT or Caltech. Or maybe he skips college altogether to go to a Virtual Gaming Start-Up in Austin, Texas at age 18.

I can have general goals for my students as a teacher and a parent. Be employed! Have good dental hygiene habits! But the specifics about how an adult turns her or his talents into cash in the new economy is as varied as the sun.

Elementary school is the cool part. It's were a student herself figures out am I a future vet/horse trainer/ zoo keeper? (The animal science interest tread). Or am I a video gamer/ comic book artist/computer programmer. Most kids have interests that are diverse, but there is a common theme. Elementary school is where a good teacher can uncover some hidden themes. "Wow, you have some freakish skills in paper folding. Lets get you an Origami Book at the Library.... Wow, you did awesome with that book. Lets get you 3 more. Wow, you finished all 25 Origami books in the Library in only 3 weeks, maybe there is some sort of future career aptitude here!"

My 1st Grader is a Baker. One morning we were making a cake together and she said "Mom, do you know what my three favorite school subjects are? Baking, Math, and Business. Those things go really well together."

I looked at my kid in shock. Where I grew up, six year old girls did not say "I love Math and Business!" I also figured out how awesome it is that a future baker loved Math and Business, in addition to baking. Being great at math and business is the difference between being a future great chef, and being a future successful business owner!

Elementary school teaching means watching a kid figure out who they are in the world. By the time you teach College (my natural interest) a kid already knows if they want the Culinary Institute of the Arts or an English Major at Smith. Elementary school is where you start sowing the seeds of future success.

Everyone loves it when babies coo and smile. The years of Birth to 5 are really critical years. I'm so grateful I got to nestle my babies during those important days. Yet I'm also graced to hang out often with my kids in their elementary school years. I'm the one that gets to say "Wow, you're freakishly awesome in _______ Lets figure out how to get more of that into your life!"

I'm not eager to ship off my kids to Elementary School at age 5. I don't want to get the quote "out of my hair." Even though, man the list is super long with things I want/need/dream of doing in my life.

Being an Elementary School Teacher is a trade-off. I gave up some free time in my day. I gave up the chance to earn a little extra money for my family, or play-catch up with the household chores. I gave up the chance to "nap when the toddler naps" because I'm always teaching the "hard stuff" while my nosy, messy, and adorable toddler Abigail Clare is out of commission.

Yet the things I gain are priceless. I with my kids as they figure out how they learn. I can give them little tips and critiques to help them learn better and faster. Teaching is more than a science, it's an art.

Amazing Motherhood

alec vanderboom

Imagine your only son has been kidnapped by the Taliban for the past five years. If you had a chance to give him one more message, what would it be?

The parents of US Solider Bowe Bergdahl sent this one after his proof of life video today "BOWE - If you see this, continue to remain strong through patience. Your endurance will carry you to the finish line. Breathe!"

Source: CNN

Redecorating for the New Year

alec vanderboom

In June 2011, we moved into our first house. It was a tough year. I had hard pregnancy and then poor Abigail Clare had awful colic and infant reflux for the next 8 months. I felt like I had two weeks to calmly unpack after our move and the rest of the time was spent in survival mode. I had such "designer frustration." There were so many ugly things in my house that wanted attention, but I couldn't figure out how to make that happen. I got grumpy. I started to complain a lot.

On Dec 31, 2012 (my 38th birthday) Jon and I started our long list of remodeling projects. We had almost no money and almost no time. Sometimes, it felt like remodeling was hopeless undertaking.

Yet in the past two weeks, since my 39th Birthday, I can't believe how quickly things have fallen into place. It has been effortless. Really great design solutions have appeared out of thin air. I joke that Jesus is "throwing down" for us.

I'm so grateful that this project took some time. It's a better result, than if I got everything fixed "just so" weeks after I moved in. I hope I carry this lesson of hope and perseverance into other aspects of my life.

More Healing

alec vanderboom


One of my assignments was to find a photo of myself as a young girl, frame it beautifully and put it in an easily visable place. This picture of me at age 5 went in my new kitchen. Not much has changed!
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Jesus Gave Me This!

alec vanderboom


I have a fridge! For $265, brand new at Home Depot. My fridge fits in my impossibly narrow alcove--we thought only high-end $1500 models were built this small. It was so nutty. Jon and I went to Home Depot to buy green paint and a kitchen shade. While we were cashing 1 year old Abigail Clare down an aisle--Ta Da-- Jon found a fridge on sale that fit our specs. Every time we look at that fridge now, we smile. It's like St. Joseph delivered it to our house himself!
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